God speaks today. That
is my witness. In all my life I never doubted that God is. But there came
a time when I yearned for a very personal contact with him. That time came when
I urgently needed to have Him touch me.
I was born in Eastern
Germany in 1933 two months after Adolph Hitler assumed power as dictator of
Germany. I was a witness to many of the tragedies that befell my birth country
but it was only in later years after I had become an adult that I understood more
fully the events that affected my life and that of millions of peoples in
Europe at that time. It was when the war was over that I became aware
that we lived only some twenty miles from the extermination camp Auschwitz. And
it was then that I understood the meaning of the words my father whispered to
my mother when he said that he had been some five miles from Auschwitz when he
could smell the flesh (of the Jewish victims) burning.
My parents saw to it
that I was raised in a strict Catholic environment. Attending church and
saying my prayers was part of my daily routine. But attending church and saying
prayers were not only a discipline but were also driven by fear that was part
of our daily lives. Although religious education was not a part of our
education in school, praying to God for protection from harm and death came
readily whether we prayed at home or in church. In our churches then we
had standing room only. We sang and prayed with fervor that God would protect
us and our loved ones. After all – in September of 1939 the war
practically started in our back yard.
At first our armies
appeared to be very successful in conquering much of Europe. But the time came
when we found ourselves invaded by the Russians and Poles in January of 1945.
Now our fear and anxiety level became even more intense. Being German now became a great liability and
it was not until we managed to escape to areas occupied by the Western allies
that we were free to live a less hazardous life – yes even to speak the German
language which had become “off limits” under the foreign occupation.
From 1946 to 1950 we
lived peacefully in western Germany under occupation by British and American
governance. I was free to continue my high school education. It was in 1950
that my world wonderfully changed when I was given the opportunity to go to the
United States of America as an exchange student. I thought that the people in
America would hold a grudge toward my countrymen – after all it was only five
years after the war ended in which thousands of Americans died or were wounded.
Instead of hatred we found only friendliness and warm acceptance by the
American people.
It was that acceptance
that caused me to want to become a citizen of this wonderful country. I lived
initially on the farm of my sponsor but then decided to join the US Air Force. Now going to church and praying was no longer
a priority during the years when I became an adult. I knew that God was
out there somewhere but I no longer had the need to speak to Him urgently and
fervently as I did when I feared for my life. But then I complicated my life by
falling in love with a young woman also in the USAF. At first, with her it
seemed that I found myself in paradise, but when she, after only a few months,
expectantly rejected my love for her I was deeply crushed. Now again, I found
myself turning to God but with intensity I never felt before. I had never
doubted the existence of God – to me God and what the bible said he is was
always a fact. But now I had a burning need to know Him more intimately.
I was no longer
satisfied with praying to Him which seemed to me a one-way communication. Now
it seemed to me that I was talking on a telephone from which the ear piece had
been removed. I spoke but I could not hear him.
In my seeking I went to
my chaplain to ask him for help. He almost angrily advised me that I should
accept God’s voice on faith. I left him disappointed. Other Christians gave me well-meaning advice
to open the bible to receive my answers. There was a dusty bible in our
barracks but I did not receive the answer from it either. I joined a meditative
society that taught me meditative practices. I read that Benjamin Franklin had
been a Rosicrucian also. But it is near impossible to meditate in a noisy
barracks occupied by 60 other men. So I found myself often at night, outside
looking up at the stars because somehow I connected the presence of God with
the starry heavens.
I spent some six months
restlessly reaching out to God. And so it was that I stood on the second story
balcony of the barracks that was my home at Maxwell Air Force Base located at
Montgomery, Alabama. It was February 1954, a cold starry night. Somehow I
related the magnitude and power of Him with the starry canopy above me. The sky
was very clear and the stars above me sparkled brightly. I reached out for the
steel bars of the balcony and pleaded with God. I wanted Him to speak to me
more than ever.
I gripped the cold
steel bars of the railing before me and looked intently to the shiny star canopy
above me. I spoke silently within me, “God, if you really are – why don’t you
ever answer!”
There was no reply. So
urgently I pleaded again, “God – if you really are – why don’t you ever
answer!!”
I stood there in
silence. There came no answer. So a third time – almost angrily – I hissed
between my teeth, my eyes closed this time, “God, if you really are – why don’t
you ever answer!!!”
I heard a voice behind
me “I am with you – wherever you are!”
I spun around to see
who stood behind me. There was no one.
But then I heard the
same voice again. It came from around me – from within me – I could not tell,
“I am with you wherever you are!”
And then it seemed as
if I was standing near a wall or a fence that had a split in it and for a
fraction of time I saw His light! And then He was gone. And the words formed
themselves in me, “Imagine He was there all the time and I did not know it! “
I stumbled along the
platform behind the barracks where I had been standing: “Over and over I
repeated “Imagine He had been there all the time and I did not know it! And I
remember the joy – no the euphoria that flooded over me as I repeated the
recognition “Imagine he had been there all the time and I did not know it!”
Inside the large stone
and brick barracks structure were my comrades going noisily about their affairs
– laughing, some cursing, some showering, and some telling stories – my joy
flooded over me to a degree that ignored what was going on around me.
I had a hard time going
to sleep that night. I was covered in goose pimples every time I recounted what
had just happened to me. The next day was a Saturday. So when I awoke many of
my comrades were still sleeping in the double decker bunk beds. I looked around
slowly. I was friends with most them. But I was also aware that some the men
were no favorites of mine. To say it straight forward: I deeply resented them
for one reason or another. But strangely – that morning – I had a warm feeling
toward them. I thought “these are my brothers “.
That seemed very
strange to me when the night before I had loathed them. And the awareness
formed itself in me that the experience the night before had filled me with a
love that only He could have given me. And I remembered: “I am with you
wherever you are”. I had finally heard
His voice. I had for the first time in my life been filled with His love. And
that love had changed me. I was again overcome with euphoria and covered in
goose pimples.
The feeling remained
with me for a period of several weeks. I loved recalling the experience
of that night. But slowly it faded – not from my memory but from the intensity
of that wonderful feeling that had come with it.
That experience changed
me. I still love to remember it. Often I would love to relive it. But the least
I can do today is to recount it to others.
When I was told the
story of the Restoration for the first time I had no trouble accepting it. God
speaks today! That is the story of the Restoration. And that is my story!
