“Permeability,
porousness, works both ways. You are
allowed to move through the woods with new eyes and ears when you let go of
your little annoyances and anxieties.” –
Gary Snyder, A Place in Space, 198.
Trudging
along the trail, head down staring at only a few feet in front of each boot
step, I was weighted down with more than what was in my backpack. It was raining, cold, and dark in the Pisgah
National Forest in North Carolina.
Encased in my Omni-Tech raingear I was armored against the elements. And encased in my acerbity I was trying to
armor myself against the annoyances and anxieties I was carrying in my
emotional and spiritual backpack.
Lori and I
were in our first semester of our master’s in environmental education. I was having an extremely difficult time
understanding the experiential learning model at the core of the program. I was experiencing lots of confusion and
struggle as I was not letting myself be open to a new way of learning. I wanted the same kind of experience I had in
college – give me the syllabus, tell me what to read, write, and what will be on
the test. Before my master’s I
understood (and was quite happy with) education that fit a certain structure
and process. It was predictable with clearly
defined boundaries. But when I boarded
“The Bus” (Audubon Expedition Institute master’s program) I found my footing
precarious. I had not yet grasped the
understanding that education was not just “book learning” but it was every
encounter, relationship, and experience in my life.
Going into
the backpack, I was so frustrated and anxious about when I was going to get my
“assignments” completed that I was fighting against being present, porous, and
paying attention to this particular experience with my community, engaged in wholistic
learning and being mindful of the woods.
I was wearing a literal and metaphorical shell to protect me from the
physical, emotional, and spiritual “elements.”
However, as much as I fought against the moment, there was something
that began to soak in and bring me out of my protective shell.
Wild natural
places are where I feel closest to the Spirit.
After a few days I was able to discard the worries and anger I “packed
in.” I was able to sink in place and be present,
porous, and paying attention to the wonders of the woods, the fellowship with
my community, the peace of the Spirit.
My anxieties diminished and my agitation was soothed.
The day we
hiked out there was a light rain, but I didn’t put on my raingear. The warm rain felt refreshing falling on the
bare skin of my face, arms, and legs. I
was practicing permeability, porousness to allow the flow of the Spirit to soak
into me. In that spiritual soaking I was
made new.
What is
holding you back from being permeable to the Spirit?
